If you receive an e-mail entitled "Bedtimes", delete it immediately. Do not open it.

Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on all of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's or DVD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 1-900 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will cause your toilet to flush while you are showering. It will drink all of your beer. For God's sake, are you listening??? It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair^® and your Nair^® with Rogaine^®.

If the "Bedtimes" message is opened in a Windows^® 95/98/ME/XP/NT/2000 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. Warn as many people as you can.

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.